Tired, weary and full of joy!

September 20, 2025September 22, 2025 / Kelly Bea / Leave a comment

“God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble.” Psalm 46:1 NLT

“…Don’t be dejected and sad, for the joy of the Lord is your strength!” Nehemiah 8:10 NLT

What started 31 months ago was about to end. We were just 18 short days away. I was sitting on the back row with my sweet daddy, listening intently. I felt the shift and knew the ending wasn’t coming in 18 days after all.

Six months just got added to our wait. Surprisingly, I was not as torn up as I thought I would be. Really, what is six more months when you have been waiting for thirty one. That my friends is what God can do when you give it all to Him.

When the bottom fell out 31 months ago I was a dejected human. I let the enemy take hold of me for a bit. BUT GOD! He was there waiting for me and when I took hold of Him my zest for life came back. I have total faith in Him. He is bigger than the mess, bigger than the enemy and He is taking all this and turning it for His good.

That verse in Nehemiah says the joy of the Lord is my strength. I let God’s joy be my source of strength, not my circumstances. That is what that verse means! When you are down let God fill you up. Depend on Him not the circumstances of life. Put your full faith and trust in God alone.

God is our refuge and strength at all times, but especially in times of trouble. Through this trial He has been a refuge for me. He has given me strength when I didn’t think I could handle another hit. He has made me strong and fierce. Every single time I have had to do something for this trial I have felt Him. He has given me so much strength.

Yes, I have grown tired and some days I am weary, but nothing can steal my joy! It comes from the Lord ALONE, not my circumstances. God’s power is omnipotent (ALL POWERFUL). The enemy’s power is limited and he can’t steal what he hasn’t given you!

There is a saying that says your day will go the way the corners of your mouth are turned. Are you smiling or frowning through life? Are you going through life with a positive attitude or a negative one? Where is your focus?

I wake up and can’t wait to walk out of my bedroom and see the sun rising through my front door. I grab a cup of coffee, my Bible and go watch it rise the rest of the way. It brings me joy! My little 9 mile drive to work can take over 20 minutes somedays, because I creep along my country road watching wildlife and being mesmerized.

Try going through a day with wonder and awe of all that is around you. Look up and tell God “thank you I love it”. Go to park, leave your phone in your car and go sit in the grass. Listen to the birds sing. Gaze at the clouds. Soak up the sun. Dance in the rain. Soak up God’s creation with childlike wonder. It will perk you right up.

I can now say that I am grateful for this trial because through it I have grown so close to God! He is my number 1 always and forever. I start my day with Him. I go to Him during my day. I end my day with Him. I do everything with Him in mind.

As a young teen I always looked up to my Mema and Mother Russell. They were such amazing Godly women. It was always one of them that would pray at family gatherings. They could quote scripture and turn right to what they were looking for in their Bibles. They were kind to everyone. They were forgiving and compassionate. I wanted to be them when I grew up. For the first time in my life I can proudly say I am making progress at being like them.

“He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.” Isaiah 40:29 NIV

He gives strength to the weary. When we become exhausted from the battles of life God gives us strength. When we are at our weakest, God can sustain us! God has compassion for us and He wants us to lean on Him. He wants to be our source of strength.

He increases the power of the weak. God does not leave us vulnerable, He instead empowers us and give us divine strength to face our battles. He wants us to trust in Him during the difficulties of life. God’s power is limitless! He wants us to trust in Him at ALL times.

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Galatians 6:9 NIV

This verse reminds me to focus on doing good. Through this difficult trial I have felt God redirect me from worrying over all the “what ifs” to focusing on the reason He brought us back to Kentucky. He did not bring me here to get lost in worry, anxiousness, depression and sadness. He brought me here to do good for our community, bring others to know him and live life to the fullest.

I find joy in serving my community! Today we served 341 meals to our community. It brings me delight to prepare and serve lunch to our community. Today I also dropped off a bag full of Period Packs for one of our teachers at the high school. Tomorrow our Food Pantry will be open all day. I will bring fresh eggs and watermelon from the farm and add them to the boxes.

Those things bring the JOY and those things are where God wants me to focus. He is working on the trial and He will let me know if He needs something from me.

We reap a harvest when we do not give up! Always focus on God and His will for your life. Focus on doing good and loving others well. Strive to make a positive impact on those you encounter. Be persistent in focusing on God and telling the enemy to get away from you! Our reward will be will be awesome!

My goal is to get to the end of fully lived life and have God say to me: “My joyful warrior you did good! You lived big, you served well and you left nothing in your tank”!

100 Days

June 20, 2025June 20, 2025 / Kelly Bea / Leave a comment

For the past couple of months I randomly saw this book, Resilient Hope by Christine Caine pop up on Facebook. A few days ago I was placing an Amazon order and there it was again— so I bought it.

It came this afternoon. I grabbed the book and went to sit on the porch. I was reading the back cover & noticed it was a 100 day devotional.

My 1st thought was to start it on July 1st. My 2nd thought was what is 100 days from today?

Sunday, September 28, 2025 is 100 days from today! I laughed and say out loud “I see you there God”!

When I talk to God I’m always asking him to show me the way, point me in the right direction or give me a sign.

This book coming today. Me actually taking it outside to look at it before throwing it in my pile of books I need to read. All God!

100 days from today Kevin and I will go to bed and wake up to a long awaited trial date. 100 days from today this hard fought battle will be coming to an end. 100 days from now God will be showing off. Just 100 more days!

I have 100 more days to grow my enduring faith in God! To have resilient hope that He is turning all things for His good! Thank you God I love it!

The introduction of this book had me in the first paragraph. Christine loves the Olympics and so do I. She is telling a story about an Olympian with great endurance and even brings up Hebrews 12. A passage I have loved since I was teen. A passage that took on new meaning when we began this battle.

Hebrews 12:1-3 “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne. Think of all the hostility he endured from sinful people; then you won’t become weary and give up.”

Endurance- the ability or strength to continue despite fatigue, stress or other adverse conditions.

Faith-complete trust in someone (God)

Enduring faith is what I have in God. He is in the middle of all this and He is working. I need only to pray and praise.

Day 1 is called Marvelous Faith. It’s about the centurion in Luke 7 that Jesus was marveled by his faith. I want to get to heaven someday and Jesus say “this one has faith like that centurion”.

I want Him to be able to say she fearlessly stood up to the giant because she knew I was standing with her!

Built on the Rock

June 13, 2025June 13, 2025 / Kelly Bea / 2 Comments

Why do we ever doubt how amazingly spectacular our God is? Just why?

I think its so not much that I doubt him, but I have questioned: Why? How much longer? Do you hear my cries? Is there an end in site? Are you there God? We humans are such an impatient bunch of people.

I have to remind myself: 2 Peter 3:8-9 “But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness.”

I started a new Bible Study this week on the book of Habakkuk. Who knew 3 little chapters could pack such a punch. Habakkuk is crying out to God asking why he is silent? He is questioning how good can God be if he is allowing so much evil and hate in the world. One of the main points of Habakkuk is that we must exercise faith in the face of chaos. Let the darkness in your world be an invitation to put even more faith in our awesome God and trust His timing.

This morning as I was heading out to the porch to spend some time with Him he gave me a little wink. I looked up as I was opening the backdoor. That’s when I magically saw through the paint, trim and sheetrock and remembered the verse written on stud above that door I was about to walk out: “His mercies are new every morning”, Lamentations 3:23

A smile came to my face as I thanked God for reminding me my home is literally covered in His word! Family and friends stopped by and took the time to write His word on our house. Friends that couldn’t come text me specific verses to write on our home. I even saw a few verses written by the guys that were part of building our home.

I felt this little wink from God was not only a reminder, but God saying “I see you”. I see you going out this door every morning and soaking up my word. I see you talking to me throughout your day. I see you not letting this trail consume you because you know I have you. He is so sweet to assure me again and again that He is with me.

After my time with him this morning I grabbed my phone and started looking at those verses covering our house. I zoomed in to read some of them. I laughed because some of the verses appropriately matched the room they were written in.

My Aunt Jean wrote “The Lord will fight for you; you need only be still”.

This morning I thanked God that our house was built on the rock! In 2021 we took a leap with Him. We left what we thought was our forever home in Alabama, our boys, our secure jobs and 18 years of friendships to follow His promptings and come back to our farm in Kentucky. We prayed and listened to him with each step we have taken on this journey. We have let Him be our guide and we will continue to trust Him on this journey.

Matthew 7:24-27 “Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it.”

Suck it satan! You can bring on the rains, the floods, the winds and try to beat us down. IT WON’T HAPPEN! I am built on the rock! My husband is built on the rock! Our home is built on the rock and our farm is built on the rock! My trust is in the Lord!

I have no words…

May 14, 2025May 14, 2025 / Kelly Bea / 1 Comment

I go outside to feel closer to God. Why? I can’t tell you why. I only know when I am outside surrounded by His creation I feel Him more. I can hear Him in the birds singing their songs. I see Him in the clouds dancing across the azure blue skies. I see Him in sunrises & sunsets as he paints the sky. I can feel Him when the wind blows, the snow falls and rain sprinkles.

Outside there are no distractions. No hum of electricity coming from the things in your house. No TV blaring. No house that says “clean me”. No dust bunnies hopping across the floor reminding you to dustmop. Outside it is just you and all of God’s creation.

Today the words weren’t coming and I thought maybe if I go outside they would. They did not! I said out loud to God, “I can’t find the words today God. I need you. I am desperate, but the words aren’t coming.”

In that moment the tears began to flow as I felt Him all around me. It was like the birds got louder, the sun got brighter and the wind tickled my face. I just let it all out as I soaked up His embrace.

After a few minutes I said, “God that is all I got today, but I promise I am going to get up and go be your JOYFUL WARRIOR!”.

Lamentations 3: 21-24 says “Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this. The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning. I say to myself, “The Lord is my inheritance; therefore I will hope in Him.”

Those verses are so good and give me such hope! God’s love and faithfulness will NEVER end! He is faithful to bring judgement and faithful to bring restoration. He provides all we need.

My study Bible said the faithful love of the Lord is the basis for the poets recovery from deep depression. I can relate to this. It’s because of my faith I am able to live with joy during this difficult time.

It’s been 26 months and 26 days since I was betrayed by someone I loved my whole life. Sadly, the hit that came that day was only the beginning. It continued to get worse and worse.

Since that day my emotions have run the gamut from confusion & hurt to finding my joy again. I worked very hard to find and keep my joy. Most days it is easy, but there are days when everything hits all at once. That feeling of overwhelm takes over and tries its hardest to pull me into the darkness.

That is why I am so grateful I have God. I stay tethered tightly to him through prayer, conversation and His word. He alone keeps me living fully and with a heart of joy.

I know God is working hard in all this. He can take what the devil intends for harm and make it outstandingly wonderful.

I know I have been changed because of this trail. I am closer to God now than I ever have been. Would that be the case if this didn’t happen?

If you look back on our journey we are back in Kentucky because we trusted God and took a huge leap of faith. Quitting our jobs, leaving our boys and the life we created in Alabama and relocating to our farm. We had no clue what we would do when we got here. We just listened to God.

Looking back I see how I was overly excited about building our little farmhouse. Did that distract me from the reason He brought us here? Did we steer off course? Is He using this to pull us back? Is He using us to bring someone back to Him? Is He teaching someone not to put things of this Earth above Him? Is He using this to show His mighty power? All could be a possibility!

I might not ever understand the why? That is okay! I can already see the good coming from it. I see God changing my heart and molding me into the girl He created me to be. He is showing me what is and is not important. He has given me a heart of service and shown me where I can serve. He is showing me how to shine bright for him.

I think He is working on the person who hurt us, too. To be honest I get a lot of kickback when I mention this to some. I always grin and say “our God is the God of the impossible”!

Luke 1:37 “With God nothing is impossible”.

Luke 18:27 “the things which are impossible with men, are possible with God”.

Back to having no words. Just remember when we don’t have the words, God still knows because the Holy Spirit living in our hearts is a direct line to Him..

Romans 8:26-28 says “And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God’s own will. And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them”.

So when the words don’t come, go to Him anyway. When you don’t understand, go to Him anyway. Trust fully in Him.

The most difficult year…

December 12, 2024December 12, 2024 / Kelly Bea / Leave a comment

In 2023 there was the awesomeness of the Eras Tour and the devastation of Maui fires. The legendary Tina Turner died and Barbie made a huge comeback. Throughout the entire year it was full of highs and lows. For us it was much the same. I can honestly say it was the hardest year of our lives.

The year started off great! I knew I wanted to focus on my health and my relationship with God. I treasured 2022 a little too much when it came to indulging in food. I was the biggest I had ever been and I was miserable. When you go from running multiple half marathons a year to not having the energy to walk a mile you know its time to get your butt in gear.

The word God gave me was perfect! “Today I am STEADFAST in His direction as I faithfully imagine all He has planned for me. I am circling it in prayer and putting it into action. I will not be shaken by circumstances, but remain loyal to God, myself and my commitments!”

I mean look at the mantra! I was ready to tackle my health and grow my relationship with Him. Nothing was gonna shake me or break me! I was ready! Little did I know on January 1st when I stuck my word/mantra beside my bathroom mirror how much more I would need it for.

One thing I have noticed is you think your word & mantra comes to you for one reason, BUT GOD has given it to you for another. The year unfolds and that word takes on new meaning. Your mantra becomes so much more.

I missed New Year retreat this year, but got to take my niece to Universal Studios for a long weekend. It was her first time flying and our first time to Universal. She is a huge Harry Potter fan so we did all the HP things. We loved Dr. Suess world, too. It was a fabulous trip!

On February 18th our world was rocked! I don’t know how else to explain it. Literally all the wind in our sails deflated in a matter of minutes. I thought I was having a heart attack only to learn later that day it was a panic attack. Made it almost 50 years without ever having one.

At this time I cannot go into the details of the what, but I can share what it did to us. When your trust is betrayed by someone you never in a million years thought would betray you, it really does rock you to your core.

I was even warned we might want to go in a different direction, but my gut never went on alert so we thought we were making the right decision. My gut has rarely failed me. It did this time.

The next few months were a blur. Kev and I went through all the feels. Deep hurt and betrayal were among the strongest feelings we had. It was like walking in quicksand and being surrounded by thick fog. We were truly stuck in that moment. How did this happen? Why is this happening?

I was having panic attacks. We were both dealing with anxiety and depression. As someone who never really had much sympathy for people with anxiety it was a tough lesson to learn. It was the first time in my life I wasn’t sure how to conquer my feelings. I ended up on medication.

The medication numbed me. For me that was worse than being anxious and depressed. I turned to God. Sometimes we forgot that he can do ANYTHING. Through prayer, reading my Bible and talking to people I trusted I was able to work through everything and find my joy again.

Next came the anger. I am not an angry person. I don’t stay mad. I couldn’t shake this anger. I ended up talking to my pastor. He said my anger is normal and very valid. Acting on anger is when it becomes sin. I began praying for God to take away my anger and bring back my zest for life.

That is when I begin to work on forgiveness. I realized forgiveness was for me and me alone. The person(s) don’t even have to know they are forgiven. Once I truly forgave I was able to start mending my heart and soul. I began to see my spark again. We were still heavy in the middle of mess, but the enemy no longer controlled me 24/7.

The gamut of emotions we faced in 2023 were more than anyone should have to deal with. One second things were happening and the next it was crickets. We were always left up in the air wondering is it over or what’s next. We were still riding a rollercoaster, but it didn’t control me anymore.

My mantra was something I said to myself multiple times a day. I had to remind myself to stay steadfast in his direction, to circle it in prayer, give it to Him and I would NOT be shaken by the circumstances of life.

As we faced this battle I prayed so much. I cried out to God. I asked him to show me if we were wrong, if there was something we needed to see and He consistently told me to remain steadfast and keep our eyes on Him. He gave me this verse again and again. James 1:2 “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness”.

We took a leap of faith and completely changed our lives moving back to Kentucky. We knew God wanted us to use our farm to glorify Him. We knew it wouldn’t be easy, but we never expected this.

In October 2022 I was in Oklahoma at friends house. A book on Kim’s desk caught my eye. She gave me that book and I read it that fall. Looking back now I see how God gave me that book to prepare me for this battle. The book was called The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson. I actually used “circle in prayer” in my mantra. That was before I knew what this year would hold. That book helped me so much this year. I clearly heard God tell me this was our Jericho. Silently circle it in prayer and trust Him with this rest. When the times comes He will tell us when to shout and watch that “wall” fall!

To this day we remain STEADFAST in God. We got off the rollercoaster of emotions and put our faith in Him and His timing. We are not letting what is happening keep us from living our best life. Despite the difficulties we faced in 2023 we still had a really good year. Stay tuned for the goodness of 2023.

Unemployed, Homeless & excited!

September 4, 2021September 4, 2021 / Kelly Bea / Leave a comment

I think I am still in disbelief of what is happening. I am mind-blown and thankful to God for all his has done between mid-May and today!

August 24th we both are officially unemployed!

Between August 13 and August 28 we boxed up our house, garage and storage building in two 20 foot U-Haul’s and invaded our parents! Just kidding–kinda! We filled a couple storage units, part of a garage, part of a basement and took over a small part of my mother-in-law’s house. We feel like we walked in and took over, but she promises she is happy to have us here, especially as she starts her battle to get rid of this stomach cancer.

The first U-Haul load we took up on a day the heat index hit 108! It was miserable, but we got it done. I was done before we even started unloading because I drove our old Kia up to give to my niece, Nadya. It had no AC. I tried to just look at it as a sauna drive and easy weight loss. 😉 Moving a 700+ pound piano is not an easy task either! Thank you to our son, Tyler, Warren, Tuc and Rodney for the help loading and/or unloading it!

September 3rd we walked through our amazing little house and yard one last time remembering all the good times we have had over the last 17 years. So much good happened in that house. I remember thinking when the boys were little if only we had a bigger house so we could have more space from one another, but looking back now I am so glad we were on top of each other. It made us the close family we are today.

I thought I would of been more sad than I was. I am happy to say as we closed the door on our home for the last time I shed a couple of tears as we drove to the close, but I was happy. Happy for the 17 years of memories that home gave me that I can take with me and I am so excited about the future. We are still not 100% sure what God has in store for us, but we are asking Him to show us in His time and for our eyes to be open to see. We know right now our focus is Betty and getting her through these next 2-3 months.

September 4th we are officially homeless and living with our parents! 😀

In the coming weeks we will be settling into our temporary home with Betty, doctors appointments and planning to build our little house on the farm. I have been writing down my dreams of the future, praying over them and asking God to show me which path we need to take. Kev and I would appreciate your prayers for my mother-in-law and seeing clearly the path God has for us.

Thank you all for reading my blog and joining us on this journey. We appreciate you all so very much. 🙂

Faith to the Farm

Our journey of trusting God

Prayer