In 2023 there was the awesomeness of the Eras Tour and the devastation of Maui fires. The legendary Tina Turner died and Barbie made a huge comeback. Throughout the entire year it was full of highs and lows. For us it was much the same. I can honestly say it was the hardest year of our lives.

The year started off great! I knew I wanted to focus on my health and my relationship with God. I treasured 2022 a little too much when it came to indulging in food. I was the biggest I had ever been and I was miserable. When you go from running multiple half marathons a year to not having the energy to walk a mile you know its time to get your butt in gear.

The word God gave me was perfect! “Today I am STEADFAST in His direction as I faithfully imagine all He has planned for me. I am circling it in prayer and putting it into action. I will not be shaken by circumstances, but remain loyal to God, myself and my commitments!”

I mean look at the mantra! I was ready to tackle my health and grow my relationship with Him. Nothing was gonna shake me or break me! I was ready! Little did I know on January 1st when I stuck my word/mantra beside my bathroom mirror how much more I would need it for.

One thing I have noticed is you think your word & mantra comes to you for one reason, BUT GOD has given it to you for another. The year unfolds and that word takes on new meaning. Your mantra becomes so much more.

I missed New Year retreat this year, but got to take my niece to Universal Studios for a long weekend. It was her first time flying and our first time to Universal. She is a huge Harry Potter fan so we did all the HP things. We loved Dr. Suess world, too. It was a fabulous trip!

On February 18th our world was rocked! I don’t know how else to explain it. Literally all the wind in our sails deflated in a matter of minutes. I thought I was having a heart attack only to learn later that day it was a panic attack. Made it almost 50 years without ever having one.

At this time I cannot go into the details of the what, but I can share what it did to us. When your trust is betrayed by someone you never in a million years thought would betray you, it really does rock you to your core.

I was even warned we might want to go in a different direction, but my gut never went on alert so we thought we were making the right decision. My gut has rarely failed me. It did this time.

The next few months were a blur. Kev and I went through all the feels. Deep hurt and betrayal were among the strongest feelings we had. It was like walking in quicksand and being surrounded by thick fog. We were truly stuck in that moment. How did this happen? Why is this happening?

I was having panic attacks. We were both dealing with anxiety and depression. As someone who never really had much sympathy for people with anxiety it was a tough lesson to learn. It was the first time in my life I wasn’t sure how to conquer my feelings. I ended up on medication.

The medication numbed me. For me that was worse than being anxious and depressed. I turned to God. Sometimes we forgot that he can do ANYTHING. Through prayer, reading my Bible and talking to people I trusted I was able to work through everything and find my joy again.

Next came the anger. I am not an angry person. I don’t stay mad. I couldn’t shake this anger. I ended up talking to my pastor. He said my anger is normal and very valid. Acting on anger is when it becomes sin. I began praying for God to take away my anger and bring back my zest for life.

That is when I begin to work on forgiveness. I realized forgiveness was for me and me alone. The person(s) don’t even have to know they are forgiven. Once I truly forgave I was able to start mending my heart and soul. I began to see my spark again. We were still heavy in the middle of mess, but the enemy no longer controlled me 24/7.

The gamut of emotions we faced in 2023 were more than anyone should have to deal with. One second things were happening and the next it was crickets. We were always left up in the air wondering is it over or what’s next. We were still riding a rollercoaster, but it didn’t control me anymore.

My mantra was something I said to myself multiple times a day. I had to remind myself to stay steadfast in his direction, to circle it in prayer, give it to Him and I would NOT be shaken by the circumstances of life.

As we faced this battle I prayed so much. I cried out to God. I asked him to show me if we were wrong, if there was something we needed to see and He consistently told me to remain steadfast and keep our eyes on Him. He gave me this verse again and again. James 1:2 “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness”.

We took a leap of faith and completely changed our lives moving back to Kentucky. We knew God wanted us to use our farm to glorify Him. We knew it wouldn’t be easy, but we never expected this.

In October 2022 I was in Oklahoma at friends house. A book on Kim’s desk caught my eye. She gave me that book and I read it that fall. Looking back now I see how God gave me that book to prepare me for this battle. The book was called The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson. I actually used “circle in prayer” in my mantra. That was before I knew what this year would hold. That book helped me so much this year. I clearly heard God tell me this was our Jericho. Silently circle it in prayer and trust Him with this rest. When the times comes He will tell us when to shout and watch that “wall” fall!

To this day we remain STEADFAST in God. We got off the rollercoaster of emotions and put our faith in Him and His timing. We are not letting what is happening keep us from living our best life. Despite the difficulties we faced in 2023 we still had a really good year. Stay tuned for the goodness of 2023.